


Pretender

by Clicker



Series: Lannister's Pride [4]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:07:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24282580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clicker/pseuds/Clicker
Series: Lannister's Pride [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1752901
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

Y/n had slept peacefully for an hour in her bed next to Miza. They were best friends, and at times, acted as sisters. Lucia and Cerelle laid between them asleep peacefully. y/n only woke up when Cerelle was awake and hungry. That’s when she sat up and fed the infant from her breast, the light of the sun not close to coming up. Eyes fluttering closed from exhaustion every once in a while. That was until the creaking door of her chambers opened to reveal Jaime and one other kingsguard.

“Princess, follow us.” The squeaking of the door and the voice woke Miza. The dark-skinned woman turned to look at the Lord Commander of the King’s Guard and his current partner.

“You shouldn’t come into a mother’s room without knocking, she’s feeding her baby. She’s busy.” Miza shot back sluggishly.

“Princess, the hand is dead.” This instantly woke Y/n up. Her eyes widened, and even Miza shot up from her spot. There was no fear that someone in the castle was killing people. Miza was afraid because all of Westeros wouldn’t lay a hand on a Lannister, because they all united in fear of Tywin Lannister. Who would be afraid of harming the Lannister’s now?

Y/n pulled Cerelle away from her breast before she could finish eating, and she handed her off to Miza before pulling her gown back over her chest and following Jaime out of the bedchambers. She followed the knight who now better lit by the torch he carried, turned out to be Osmund Kettleblack. She followed them the tower of the hand, and once there she was lead to a privy chamber, where she saw her grandfather. Crossbow bolts to the chest. Blood soaked into his tunic. His own blood.

She never thought she’d see the day her own grandfather laid dead in front of her. “You all left him here?” She questioned turning back to see a few of the Lannister guards who followed them in.

“We wanted you to tell us what to do with him, Your Highness.” Ser Osmund admitted, a hand on the pommel of his sword.

Y/n sighed and nodded. “Take him to his bed. And once you’re done, you and Ser Boros will go wake my mother. She’s his daughter. She needs to know.” Y/n told them and looked to Jaime. They both know who did it. When she wanted to get Tyrion out for a murder he never committed, she never thought she’d have to reconsider going after him.

“How did this happen?” Y/n questioned.

“There was a secret passageway, your highness.”

“Ser Jaime, search it. And post guards in the king’s chambers. I will be there as well.” With that, Y/n left the tower of the hand and entered the cold night air again and walked to the outer castle, fidgeting with her dagged sleeves.

She reached Tommen’s chambers in no time, and opened the door to see him asleep peacefully. She gave a shaky sigh and walked to his bed. She hated this room. All the memories of Joffrey pushing her and using her in this room were still fresh. But this was her baby brother. He needed her right now. And she needed to find a new hand.

She sat on the edge of the bed and gently shook Tommen’s arm. “Wake up, little brother.” His eyes fluttered open, and his emerald eyes met her’s.

“Y/n?” He questioned sleepily.

“Yes. it’s alright. But Grandfather… He’s dead.”

“What?”

“You’ll be fine. A few of the guards are going to come here, and protect you with me. You’ll be alright, get back to sleep. I just needed to tell you.” She told him gently, brushing his hair back with a free hand.

An hour later, Ser Osmund was back with guards. Loras Tyrell among them. “Your highness.” Loras greeted, his eyes landing on Y/n who still sat on the edge of the bed, a gentle hand on Tommen’s head. She’d finally realized, Tybolt had Joffrey’s eyes, but he’d had Tommen’s face. She saw Tommen’s peaceful face in his sleep, and she found herself comparing the mental image of Tybolt’s small body on the table, wrapped in a golden blanket, with red embroidery, and a small necklace around his neck, a seven-pointed star, Cersei had put it on Tybolt when they’d gone to see him. He looked peaceful compared to how he went. And at that moment, Y/n found herself praying, a rare occurrence, but she prayed that Tommen never met the same fate as his older brother or his simple uncle.

Y/n looked up to Loras and gave a gentle smile. “Ser Loras.” She turned back to her brother and gave a gentle sigh. He’d been lonely lately, with Myrcella gone, he didn’t have anyone to play with anymore. And Y/n wished she could, but she had so many obligations that took her time away. So much so that she rarely got to be with her brother anymore.

“Your mother wants to see you. She’s dressing.” Loras spoke softly, walking over to Y/n who now turned her head to look at the knight of flowers who kneeled down, in his full armor, next to her.

“Alright.” Y/n whispered. “Keep a good eye on him. He’s the only brother I have.” Y/n told Loras, who now stood up straight and nodded holding a hand out for Y/n to take, which she did, and he pulled her to her feet. Y/n looked down at Loras’ hand to see a red circle on the tip of his index finger.

Y/n looked up to the knight, a blank expression on her face, but her eyes held such confusion, and he saw it as she looked back to his finger. He looked down at it as well and nodded to her, leaning in close to her ear, and whispered “Īlon’re lēda ao, dārilaros, syt sir, sevamoriot” Valyrian.

Y/n had learned it when she was young from Maester Pycelle who had thrown the book into her arms when she pestered him about wanting to learn something new. And her uncle Renly, while he only knew bits and pieces, but he had helped her pronounce the words.

We’re with you princess, for now, and always.

She only nodded and walked away, confusion practically hitting her in the face as she walked out of the outer castle and through the darkness to the tower of the hand.

“Princess, Your mother wants to see you-”

“Tell her I’m in the tower of the hand.” She responded sharply before walking into the tower, her heels scraping against the stone stairwell as she climbed them. The smoke from the torches should bother her, but they didn’t. She didn’t even look to see who it was.

When she came to the main floor, she was met with Jaime speaking with a Lannister guard. Over an opening in the wall. “What’s this?” She questioned seeing how it led to the walls of the tower.

“Whoever got to the hand came in through here, killed the whore and then your grandfather.”

Y/n nodded, she’d noticed the woman’s body when she passed the bed chambers, but she’d ignored it. “Ill go down there.” She spoke, already hiking up her dress and already beginning to kneel down.

“Y/n!” Jaime scolded, grabbing her arm and pulling her back up. “You’ll get dirty, and it could be dangerous in there.” He spoke firmy, his hand still remaining gentle.

Y/n nodded and shrugged, turning her back to the Lannister guard. “Undo the buttons.” She instructed. It was rash, but there was a calm anger coursing through her veins. She wanted to go in there.

“Your Highness-”

“The princess, and the King’s regent is requesting that you undo her dress.” She spoke, hands on her hips, as she looked up at Jaime who was looking at her in shock. It was improper, for a princess, or a lady, or anyone to be seen in their undergarments in public. But Y/n had never been all that concearned with it. She wore three petticoats for warmth that day, and her corset and shift covered most of her arms and chest.

The guards shaky hands began to undo the dress as he looked over the princess’ head to see Jaime giving him the look of a protective father.

Once the dress was unbuttoned, Y/n slipped her arms out of the sleeves and pushed the dress down her body, leaving her in her petticoats, stockings and corset.

“Jaime, will you come with me?” She questioned, already picking up her petticoats, showing more of her legs as she knelt down to go into the wall.

“I believe your mother would cut off my other hand if I let you go in there alone.”

Y/n smiled at that and reached her hand out to take the lantern from the guard, who hesitantly handed it to her. She began to crawl into the wall, with Jaime’s armor making it obvious that he was following her.

She followed the passage way down to where multiple passageways met together but they were blocked off by . That led down to an even bigger passage. “There’s are gates.” She informed, crawling to one and pulling on the rusted bars. It was locked.

“We need keys-” She began but Jaime crawled up next to her and nodded.

“I can see that.”

Jaime grabbed Y/n’s shoulders and pulled her into his arms. “I love you.” He said softly, as Y/n wrapped her own arms around Jaime.

“I love you too. What’s wrong?” She questioned, pulling away from him a bit to look at his face. There were tears brimming in his eyes as he held her.

“There’s so much I want to tell you, How you were named, how I’m the proudest father in Westeros because of you, but I can’t get into all that right now.” He spoke, pushing her hair back with his hand, before he pulled her to his chest as if she were still a child. “But all I can say is, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have ever left King’s Landing. I shouldn’t have left you with Joffrey. Renly loved you as though you were his daughter, everyone saw it, he shouldn’t have left you with Joffrey.” He said.

Y/n finally realized what this was. His best version of an apology for something he couldn’t have controlled. “Father,” Y/n began fully resting her head on his chest, the cool iron of his armor sending goosebumps down her spine. “You didn’t know. It’s not your fault, or Renly’s.” She told him softly.

It took another ten minutes until Jaime had regathered himself and gestured for Y/n to lead the way back to the room they’d left. And she did. She crawled, scraping her heels against the damp stone as she moved, her hair getting caught in cobwebs along the way. Ones she’d dodged on the way in, but didn’t seem to care about anymore.

And once she got to the opening of the passage, she saw Ser Osmund and Osfryd Kettleblack blocking the entrance, “Get out of my way.” She told the brother crawling out before standing. Osmund and Osfryd looked at her and stared in shock at her current state of undress.

“Mother,” She greeted as she stepped aside for Jaime to exit as well. He informed them all what they’d found in there, but when Y/n looked to her mother, she was giving Y/n a look.

“Whoever did this might still be lurking in the walls. It’s a maze back there, and dark.” Jaime told them.

Y/n looked to the guards. “Take hammers to the walls, burn the tower down if you must. Don’t leave any hiding spaces.” She told them, brushing dirt off of her petticoats.

The guards left to retrieve hammers, leaving Cersei, Jaime and Y/n in the room.

“We’re his heirs, Jaime,” Cersei whispered “It will be up to us to finish his work. You must take his place as Hand. You see that now, surley. Tommen will need you…”

Y/n watched as Jaime pulled away from Cersei and held his stump in front of her face. “A Hand without a hand? A bad jape, sister. Don’t ask me to rule.”


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a fortnight, and Y/n found herself in the same storage room she’d dragged Addam into before. She brought Cerelle with her. She would have brought both her and Lucia, but Miza needed someone. Miza had been ignoring her grief and put all her energy into caring for the girls.

She held Cerelle while she sat on a stool, the torch above them on the wall already being lit, giving a dull light to the room while Cerelle leaned against Y/n’s chest. Her pale red hair looking even more red in the dark.

Y/n looked down at Cerelle who was already looking up at her. “Hi, sweetheart.” She said with a small smile, stroking the infant’s chubby cheek with her index finger.

“Mama.” Cerelle spoke softly. It brought tears to Y/n’s eyes instantly. She’d never spoken before, this was something that she didn’t see coming like she did with Lucia. She took in a shaky breath before picking her up from her lap and holding her against her chest.

“Yeah, I’m mama.” She said sorrowfully. She never let anyone see it, but she grieved for Tybolt, and in some sick way, Joffrey too.

Joffrey had given her Cerelle, and Tybolt. And unknowingly took her only boy away from her. The one thing everyone in Westeros craved in life, a son. But Tybolt would never do what other boys his age would do. He would never have ridden a horse, or say his first words like Cerelle. He would never grow to play with his sisters or ever truly be a child.

She missed Tybolt with her whole heart, and she never showed it. She instead, only cherished her moments with Cerelle and Lucia more. She held them tighter and told them she loved them more than she had before.

The sound of the door opening startled Y/n, and she shot up to her feet, holding Cerelle at her waist as Addam walked in and closed the door behind him.

“Tell me.” She spoke. He nodded placing the lantern he’d carried down on the stool she’d been sitting on. 

“Princess, your handmaiden, Miza Sand, began a secret organization, and you are not allowed to tell anyone I told you this.” He began as he stood in front of her.

“Alright.” She shrugged.

“When your brother’s thirteenth name day came, she knew what he’d done, and she gathered people she trusted, people she knew would be on your side. And she told them the old prophecy-”

“Prophecy?” Y/n asked, changing her grip on Cerelle’s small frame against her hip.

“I don’t know all of it, you need to ask her, I know the basics, You’re descended from Y/n Lannister of the rock, and her blood runs through you. And there are many, who believe the prophecy, like Miza, and some who are just willing to protect you.”

Y/n tilted her head. She was descended from Y/n Lannister, she already knew that, she was named for her. Jaime had suggested the name to Robert when he requested to name you.

“We’re tasked with protecting you to the best of our ability. You and your children. If you need to flee King’s Landing, and you will, Miza will be the one to wake you in the night, and take you to a secret passage out to the ocean, where there will be a boat waiting, with your uncle, or I waiting for you. And we will take you to a ship, and that ship will take us the East Watch, by the sea, and then we will travel to Castle Black, where Lord Commander, Jon Snow will protect you.”

Y/n had trouble fetching her thoughts. She heard him. She could repeat what he said, but she didn’t quiet understand. “And the circles?”

“Anyone who has one is someone who has pledged to protect you, and your children. You can trust them.” He spoke. “I must go, Īlon’re lēda ao, dārilaros, syt sir, sevamoriot” He told her, leaving the room once more. Leaving her to her thoughts. When she needed to flee? Jon was Lord Commander? That couldn’t be. Jeor Mormont had been the Lord Commander since she was young.

She shook her head and ran out of the room, and followed Addam. “What do you mean? Why Jon?” She questioned looking up at him as he stopped and turned to look at Y/n. “He is the father of Lucia, and he is sure to accept your presence when he learns of what happens to force us to leave.

“What?”

“Princess, while most of Westeros might be united in fear of you, there are some who want to take you down. And believe me when I say that while King’s Landing loves you, not all of Westeros does. And as you are not your grandfather, not a man, and nor do you own a sword, they will not all fear you, you are a fifteen year old girl, who is small and has two weaknesses. They all see that, some choose to respect it, while others will challenge it.”

He walked away, leaving y/n in the dark hall, with Cerelle at her hip. “Ass.” She grumbled.

When she came back to her room, she saw Lucia on the floor, while Miza was asleep on the bed. Lucia waddled over to Y/n with a large smile on her face, hugging her mother’s legs “Mama!” She exclaimed happily while Y/n leaned down and placed Cerelle down on the stone where she crawled away to her toys.

“Hello, my love.” She said, kissing Lucia’s head.

Lucia had begun speaking full sentences, small ones, but they were full. “I miss you.” She said grasping onto Y/n’s bodice. And walking into Y/n’s arms.

“I missed you too, baby.” She said quietly, picking Lucia up as she walked over to the bed placing her next to Miza who opened her eyes.

“Where’d you go?” She questioned yawning and sitting up. She took Lucia into her lap and held her there, cuddled with the toddler who settled up against Miza’s chest.

“I needed to use the privy, Cerelle didn’t want me to leave, so I took her with me.” Y/n explained going to fetch Cerelle from the ground, when Y/n plucked her from the stone floor, Cerelle took the toy she had with her.

The thoughts were running through her head. And the thought of Jon made her want to cry. She couldn’t hear his voice in her dreams anymore, and she hadn’t seen his face since before Cerelle and Tybolt were born. All she saw when she tried to think of him was Joffrey, or Willas.

“How’s your mother coping with your grandfather’s death?” Miza questioned.

Y/n sighed heavily, sitting on the edge of the bed. “When they killed Robb Stark, they said Catelyn clawed her own face to bloody ribbons out of grief. My mother is the opposite.”

“So are you. You and your mother coped better than anyone expected when both of your sons died.” Y/n’s jaw clenched at the thought and stood going to her wardrobe. “Stop pretending like it didn’t happen. Stop pretending he didn’t exist.” Miza scolded, standing up and following Y/n.

“I’m not.” Y/n shot back sharply, as she pulled out her gown for morning.

“When I came back after letting you into this room that night, all of his things were gone. His blankets, his clothing, his toys! All of it was gone! You erased his very presence from your life!”

“If it’s my way of coping with my son’s death, then let me do it. I let you wail your days away on my bed after your father died. And it took over a week but eventually you stood up again, you accepted it, I haven’t yet. And you wouldn’t either if you lost a child. I held my son as he died. Choking on the poison that was meant to only be Joffrey’s. So yes, I’m pretending he didn’t exist because if I acknowledge it out in the open I’m going to realize that I’m a horrible mother.” Y/n shot back.


	3. Chapter 3

In recent weeks, Tommen had been clinging to Y/n as though she were his mother. For a boy of eight, who had spoken to her of how he wanted her to be his regent with such elegant words, like Tywin would have, now cowered behind her skirts. She didn’t care much, she didn’t feed into it, but she understood it. His Hand had been killed, and he was only a boy, who had never prepared for being king, and the moment poison touched Joffrey’s vile tongue, Tommen had been thrust into the position of king.

The two of them knelt in front of Tywin’s bier, and the awful stench took over Y/n’s nose. She wanted to gag, but to do so would be seen as unladylike. And rude. But she couldn’t care less about that. Miza stood with Lucia at her feet, asleep against her legs, while Cerelle was wide awake, watching Y/n with curious eyes. She was always observant. As was Lucia, but she wouldn’t go down to sleep the night before.

Y/n looked to her father, who stood vigil. For seven days and seven nights. She remembered that. A pity to have to stand awake for such a long time. As she observed Jaime, she could see the similarities of Joffrey. She thought that had Joffrey grew into his face if he had lived long enough, he’d be the spitting image of Jaime. They had the same eyes. A beautiful emerald green that could show you your future. But Jaime’s showed a happier one every time, while Joffrey’s showed you the nightmare you feared.

When Y/n looked to Tywin’s corpse she wanted to fix his face. It was fixed into a sort of grin, and his eyes were closed. That wasn’t right, she thought. Tywin’s eyes were what defined him. A pale, eerie green that made you uneasy the moment they landed on you. He never smiled either.

Cerelle had Tywin’s eyes. But hers were warm and loving, like a child. And she wondered if Cerelle would ever gaze at a person and make them recoil in fear.

Lucia had Jon’s eyes. A deep storm grey, like the eye of a storm, or even a storm in the evening light. They were the same. Both gave you hope of the storm ending. And Y/n trusted that it would. She didn’t find herself believing in any other god but the warrior. He’d help her through this all and still let her wear a smile at the end.

Once the vigil was over, she found herself speaking with her cousin, Lancel. And how he was to marry a Frey girl. Y/n wanted to laugh at that. Walder Frey was trying his best to get his daughters married off to whoever he could. If he did, eventually all the nobles in a hundred years would be able to trace their lineage back to him.

Lancel had the face of an elderly man, with a blond mustache that looked like a smudge of dirt that Y/n wanted to shave off of her second cousin’s face.

Of course, Y/n knew he had laid with her mother. She had her sources of information in the castle. Stewards and maids who listened in on conversations or stole glances at letters they saw being written. They would go to Miza, and Miza would go to her. So she knew that Lancel, who was only three years older than herself, had known Cersei in a more intimate way than a boy his age should have.

She’d watched Lancel when she was growing up, how he tried to be like Jaime. Being Robert’s squire and trying to be knighted at any chance he had. And now that he was a knight, he seemed to have no interest in it. His newfound piety had seemed strange to Y/n.

“My father says the marriage will help with the peasant’s thoughts of me. Of our house.”

Y/n hummed. “A shame there are no peasants left.” A shallow blow. “I do hope that this Frey girl gives you strong sons.” She stepped closer to her distant cousin and whispered in his ear. “Just don’t let her lord father host the wedding. The last wedding he hosted for one of his allies, he killed them.” She stepped away and left Lancel to think about what she had said.

The next morning, Y/n kneeled in front of Tywin’s bire, with Tommen at her side. The awful smell of their grandfather’s corpse rotting filled their noses. But Y/n had the smallest vial of perfume between her clasped hands, and she would have her nose against her fingers to smell the rose and lavender perfume. She was trying not to gag from the awful smell as everyone prayed for the deceased hand of the king.

Y/n and Tommen were the ones in front of Tywin’s bire for their status, Tommen as king, and Y/n as his regent. Cersei stood in the first row, hands clasped together to pray, but a scowl on her face.

Tommen had recoiled at the sight and smell of his grandfather, but Y/n had seized his wrist and gently told him to pray. So he did. But within moments he was sobbing. “Tomm?” She questioned worriedly before he doubled over, retching, and his crown, once Joffrey’s fell off and went rolling across the marble floor. Y/n backed up an inch in shock and disgust. But then the king was running out of the doors.

Y/n sighed gently and stood. Picking up her skirts as she turned to face everyone and gave them all a gentle smile before going to follow her little brother out of the sept as calmly as possible. When she entered the hall of lamps, she saw him still crying, with almost two dozen septas startled by the king’s state.

“Sister, I wasn’t scared!” He defended while still sobbing. Y/n nodded, and walked over to him, taking the vial of perfume and kneeling next to him to let him clear his nose of the smell of decay.

Tommen took a sharp breath and sighed in relief at having the sweet scent his sister always wore since she had been young. It was sweeter than Cersei’s and calming.

Tommen looked down at Y/n when she grabbed his hands and gave him a gentle smile “I know you weren’t. He just smelled awful.” Y/n laughed half-heartedly before she heard the sound of armor rattling as Jaime came out to them, and grabbed their shoulders. “Best we go outside, your graces.” He said as Y/n stood, and took Tommen’s hand in her’s before following Jaime out of the hall of lamps and out into the windy air that whipped Y/n’s skirts and hair around, as Jaime led them to a far corner of the marble stairs and sat them down.

Tommen sat one step down from Y/n, with Y/n’s arms around him the comforting smell and loving arms of his sister that were like his mother’s, but more welcoming.

“The smell made me sick. Didn’t it make you two sick? How could you bare it?” Y/n smiled and showed him the perfume vial again to which he giggled.

Jaime smiled at his children and Y/n caught it for a moment and smiled back, handing the vial to her brother as she listened to Jaime begin to speak. “A man can bear most anything if he must.” He told them. “The world is full of horrors, Tommen. You can fight them, or laugh at them, or look without seeing… Go away inside.”

Tommen seemed to consider what Jaime said. “I… I used to go away inside sometimes,” He confessed “When Joffy-”

“Joffrey.” Cersei interrupted. She stood over them, her skirts being whipped around by the winds as well. “Your brother’s name was Joffrey. He would never have shamed me so.” Y/n stood.

“Mother.” She warned as Tommen stood as well, grabbing onto Y/n’s hand.

“You both shame me.” She told Y/n with a veil of hatred over her words, while Y/n pulled her brother into her side.

“I never meant to. I wasn’t frightened, Mother. It was only that your lord father smelled so bad…”

“Do you think he smelled any sweeter to me? Or to your sister? We have noses too.” Cersei caught hold of Tommen’s ear and pulled him from Y/n’s grasp making Y/n grab Tommen’s hand. “Lord Tyrell has a nose. Did you see him retching in the holy sept? Did you see Lady Margaery balling like a baby?”

“Mother, that is enough.” Y/n spat, slapping Cersei’s hand away from Tommen’s ear and pulling him back into her embrace which the eight-year-old fully accepted.

Y/n didn’t expect Cersei’s right hand to come up and backhanded her across the face. Cersei’s ring caught on Y/n’s nose, cutting it as she hit her.

Tommen gasped in shock and so did Jaime who pulled Cersei away. Y/n’s head remained to the side where it had been pushed from the hit. And when she brought a free hand up to her nose she could feel the warm stickiness of blood on her fingers.

She looked up to her mother and she finally realized something. “Joffrey people just as you do.”

Cersei shrugged herself out of Jaime’s grasp and walked up to Y/n a scowl on her face still. “Don’t you dare speak of him.”

Y/n shook her head. “I’m allowed to. Especially to you. You stood by as he had Ned Stark beheaded, as he had Sansa abused and embarrassed in front of the court. You felt so guilty for everything that you couldn’t bring yourself to stop him from raping me almost every day.” With that, Y/n turned and took Tommen down the stairs of the sept to the litter. She helped him in and got in herself, and they went on their way back to the red keep.

Tommen remained quiet most of the ride until they began to go up Viseyna’s hill. “Sister…”

“Yes, Tomm?” She looked to her brother who looked to be sad, his hands in his lap as he looked down.

“I’ve heard what ‘rape’ means. I learned it when Lollys became pregnant. Did… Did Joffy…”

He looked up now, tears in his eyes as he looked to his sister, who had tears welling up in her own eyes at the very thought of what Joffrey had done to her.

“Did he truly rape you?” He questioned a full sob coming from him as he fought his own tears.

She couldn’t lie to him, but she didn’t want to admit it to him. She didn’t want to say it out loud. So she only nodded and she watched as Tommen began to cry, which triggered her own waterfall of tears to begin. The salty tear finding their way down her cheeks as she looked away, embarrassed.

“Is Elle his daughter?” He asked through choked sobs, as he tried to wipe away his tears. Y/n looked to him again as he was looking at her again. Y/n nodded again and Tommen looked away, crying even harder, which made Y/n begin to cry just as hard as him, tears rushing down her face, and onto her chest as she leaned back in her seat in the litter.

When they reached the courtyard of the Red Keep and the litter had been placed down, Y/n let herself out, tears still rushing down her cheeks as she walked to the castle and to her bedchambers. Which were empty. Miza had taken the girls to see the maids who adored them, and then went to the sept after Y/n and Tommen had. Y/n couldn’t look at her bed. She went to the corner, farthest from the bed and curled up in a ball against the wall, tears coming down her face. She couldn’t stop crying, and Y/n didn’t know how many hours later Miza came in, but she did, empty-handed only to hear Y/n’s sobs.

“Y/n?” She questioned, approaching Y/n with caution like she was a wild animal who could pounce at any second.

“I can feel him.” Y/n admitted. “Every moment, of every day, I can feel Joffrey hold me down and thrusting into me.” She cried out. “I can feel the bruises he left on my thighs and how when I cried out in pain, and begged him to please stop how he only held my throat and tried to stop my crying. I can feel his lips against mine, Miza. I can feel him pushing me against the wall and forcing my legs open-”

“Y/n, you don’t have to,” Miza told her, but when Y/n looked up at her, she realized, it was something Y/n had to. Y/n was trying to show her what she was living through every day.

“I can feel him, his hands on my breasts, and how he held my stomach whenever he took me. I can remember how after I gave up, he became gentle. And loving. How he gave me pleasure, and I hate myself for it. If it weren’t for the daughters he and Jon gave to me, I would have jumped from the highest window in this keep.” She admitted. “I still want to. Because I can remember the last time he bedded me.” She wanted to continue, but Miza walked and sat next to her, taking her hand.

“Tell me.” Miza urged.

Y/n sniffled and nodded. “It was the night before his wedding. He asked me to his chambers, and he didn’t speak a word when I came in, he came up behind me and just kissed my shoulders as he untied my bodice and corset. He had me on his desk. And he… He was gentle. And he was kissing me. Miza… I felt… I felt as though he loved me. He held me to him, and he took care of me that night. He… He held my head when he kissed me and told me he loved me against my lips, and I believed him. I let myself find pleasure with him. But I still hated him. He loved me, and I realize he loved me since he was a boy, and I’ve hated him. And in killing him, I killed our son. Our boy-”

“Y/n, Joffrey didn’t know what love was. If he loved you, he wouldn’t have hurt you. Or forced you into having his children.”

“I know. That’s why I hate myself. He was the last person I bedded. I wanted that to be Jon. I can’t even see his face anymore. I know he looks like Lucia, But when I try to see his face… it’s always off.-”

Miza pulled Y/n into her arms and let her cry, but every once and awhile told the princess how Joffrey hadn’t loved her until Y/n had cried herself asleep into Miza’s arms,


	4. Chapter 4

Whenever Y/n looked into a mirror, all she saw were the imperfections, including now. She used to enjoy warm baths. The sweet smells of lavender oil and the dried petals Miza had imported from Dorne to put into their baths always calmed her. But now, she was always tense, but Lucia was happily splashing in the water while Y/n held her, and looked in the mirror across the room.

She hated the scar Joffrey had left on her lip, from when he had backhanded her so hard his ring caught on her lip. Like Cersei had weeks before. She didn’t like her appearance anymore. She was still small, in both height and size, but all she saw when she looked in the mirror was how her breasts had grown larger, and now sagged just a bit compared to before she had children. The stretch marks had faded into a white color, blending into Y/n’s skin, but when she ran her hands over her breasts she could feel them. She had them on her hips and thighs as well, and even her stomach.

“Stop that.” Miza’s voice snapped Y/n out of it, making her look to see Miza walking to her from the bed with Cerelle in her arms.

Miza knew Y/n too well. They’d been inseparable since they met. And whenever Y/n was to dress, or bathe, she dismissed all other handmaids, except for Miza, because of how much she trusted the older woman. They knew each other’s tendencies. And Miza certainly knew when Y/n was criticizing her own body.

Miza leaned down, Handing Cerelle over to Y/n who instantly settled into Y/n’s arms, and Miza took Lucia.

Y/n bathed with the children. It saved water, and time, and allowed her to hold them for long periods of time. Oftentimes, Cerelle or Lucia would start drinking from Y/n. Lucia was harder to wean off of Y/n’s milk than Cerelle who had begun to drink water from Y/n or Miza’s cups. Lucia seemed more attached to Y/n than Cerelle. Both were independent, but Cerelle found her footing quicker than Lucia who was always hesitant.

“You’re criticizing yourself, your body, there’s nothing wrong with you, your body changed, as is expected from someone who’s had three children. You have the body of a mother.”

Y/n looked down at Cerelle and began to take handfuls of water and pour it onto Cerelle’s skin, to help clean her.

“Would Jon still love me?” It caught both of them off guard, but Y/n wasn’t going to take it back. “Even though I look like this?”

Miza was in shock as she held the wool around Lucia’s shoulders, who she’d set down to grab the towel. Lucia stood, on shaky legs as Miza then shook her head and began to rub Luci dry.

“If that boy won’t love you because of the curves you gained giving birth to his child, then he is a fool.” Miza spoke harshly, reaching for Lucia’s smallclothes, helping her into them, and then pulling the trousers onto Lucia’s legs.

Y/n sighed and looked down to Cerelle who was already looking up at Y/n. “Mama!” She said happily, making Y/n smile.

“Hi, baby.” She said in a soft motherly tone, as she poured some water on Cerelle’s head, her pale red curls going dark as they soaked up the water. Both Lucia and Cerelle had Y/n’s freckles. And as Cerelle grew, she saw more of the Lannister family in her. She had Jaime’s eye shape, and Myrcella’s smile.

“Do not let whatever Joffrey said about your body, or about you, influence what Jon thinks of you. And why does it matter to you? You haven’t seen him in three years.”

“I miss him.” Y/n shrugged, before standing with Cerelle, and getting herself out of the tub, reaching for the large wool towel, wrapping both of them in the towel going to the chair next to Lucia and Miza.

Miza hummed, as if amused, or pleased with the answer. But it was true. Y/n did miss him. She wished she could go back to the night they met, and instead not act the way she had. Because looking back, she hadn’t been kind. It was true, three years ago, Y/n was cold, and unfeeling to strangers, and even close friends and family. She never showed emotions to Robert, Jaime or anyone except for Cersei, Joffrey, Renly and Miza. Now all she wanted to do was show her love for Jon. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t wear the colors of the house who he rightfully belonged to, but was never fully claimed by. She couldn’t write to him, even if she was regent, Cersei had her spies too, who could intercept the letter before it was ever given to a raven to take it to the north.

She wanted to say that she was his wife, even if it seemed foolish. People saw her as a Tyrell. Wife of Willas Tyrell who never wrote her, and instead spent his time in Highgarden. He was kind, but many years her senior, and she never had a connection with him like she’d had with Jon. She wanted to be held by Jon again. To have him meet Lucia. But at the same time, if that happened, he’d meet Cerelle. And she’d have to tell him who Cerelle’s father was eventually, and that was a story Y/n was exhausted of reliving.

Y/n sat, with Cerelle in her lap, who began to babble and got progressively louder, talking to no one in particular. “Y/n, hear me, and hear me well, all men will ever do is hurt you. And take advantage, no matter the season, summer or winter, or the time, a man’s hateful and lustful gaze will always find a woman. They aren’t worth your time, or your effort.”

Y/n was stunned into silence for a moment. Just staring at Miza in shock. Miza was bitter over something. And angry. “Are you alright?” Y/n questioned

“Fine.” Miza said, a lie.

“What’s going on with you? We never keep secrets, you know that.” Y/n reminded, as Miza grabbed the female doublet for Lucia.

“A man, a bastard who’s not worth my time.”

“Who?” Y/n was beginning to pry, she knew that, it was intentional. A natural curiosity for a possible hidden romance Miza had. Y/n needed some sort of gossip in her life. Something she hadn’t received in a long time.

Miza groaned as she slipped the doublet on Lucia, before turning to look and Y/n with an exacerbated look, no anger, or frustration, but a look of stubborness.

“Addam.”

Y/n didn’t mean to smile, but she did. “What’d he do?”

Miza shook her head, standing and walking to the bed where Cerelle’s shift was, and dress. Miza took Cerelle from Y/n’s arms before going to the bed and dressing the younger girl. She was clearly fuming under the surface, something Addam had done.

Y/n was ready to let it go, and ready to let Miza stew in her emotions, while she stewed in her own, ready to reminisce on Jon’s voice, something she’d almost completely lost. She only had one phrase left in her memory that still sounded like him. At least she thought it did.

“He wants to publicly court me.” Miza finally said while she placed Lucia on the bed to be with Cerelle.

Y/n looked up at Miza, who was now standing at the bedpost, holding the ribbon that held the canopy of the bed in place.

“He wants to court you? Why is that a problem?”

Miza sighed and covered her face with her free hand. “I love him, I know that, But all I’ve ever seen northerners do is lie, cheat steal, murder and rape. Who’s to say he won’t do any of those things to me? The last time my family married one of their daughters off to a northerner she ended up lied to, cheated, raped and murdered.”

“Not all men are like Gregor Clegane. Or Joffrey. You have the benefit, you’ve gotten to know him. And no one’s forcing you to marry him.”

Miza turned her head to Y/n now. Emerald eyes meeting pitch black orbs. Miza gave a soft nervous smile. “We have to get you ready. Can’t be late for your brother’s wedding.” Miza said, brushing off the topic quickly, before going to the wardrobe, pulling out a dress, shift, and corset for Y/n.


	5. Chapter 5

The dinner was quiet on Y/n’s end. She listened to awkward conversations between the Tyrell’s and her own family. Tommen next to his new wife, years older than him, and just a mere two years older than Y/n.

It was strange to think that Y/n had children before Margaery had. And it was equally strange to think that, had her uncle Renly found comfort in the company of women, that she could have been the mother of Y/n’s cousin.

Y/n missed Renly fiercely, he’d stopped Joffrey plenty of time when they were playing and he got too rough, and almost hurt Y/n. She’d had a nightmare once, and he’d been passing her bed chambers when she woke up crying. She remembered the dim light from torches outside in the hall illuminating her chambers when he’d rushed in. He’d held her and calmed her down until she fell asleep again.

In some ways, Renly was a father, In others, he was a big brother, and a friend and uncle rolled into one. He used to be her person, the person she went to whenever she needed someone. She wondered if he’d be proud, or ashamed.

She often found herself wondering if her family, long dead, could see every action she took, every word she said, and every look she gave. Could Renly see the burning hatred Y/n never gave into? Could Robert finally see the longing she had to go so far north she might as well be dead to the seven kingdoms, and alive to the Night’s Watch.

She liked to think Renly would be proud. How she had never given in to her hate-filled anger or the lust and love she held for Jon. Or how she had stayed strong even though Joffrey had tried so hard to beat her strength out of her.

Cersei had never seemed to like Y/n much while she was growing up. Y/n knew Cersei had loved her, a motherly love, but she’d never liked Y/n. How Y/n being born had practically ruined what Robert and Cersei had left of their already terrible marriage. He’d wanted a boy, a strong son, but instead, Cersei and Jaime had given him her. A little girl.

While Y/n had been pregnant, she’d never really worried herself with the gender of her children. And if she were to ever be pregnant again, she doubted she would. Though she doubted even more that she’d ever have another child. Not after Tybolt. And it was unlikely because she knew she’d never really see Willas again. They were married in the eyes law, and in the eyes of the seven gods since they’d bedded each other, but they had no affection for each other. And truth be told, she didn’t want him in her bed. She didn’t want another man in her bed unless that man was Jon, and that would never happen, he was a man of the night’s watch, sworn to celibacy, and to never father sons. She supposed it was ironic. He fathered a daughter instead.

Y/n was only stolen out of her thoughts when Cersei stumbled while getting out of her seat. Jaime catching her by the arm before she could hit the ground. She’d wrenched her arm free from Jaime’s grasp and clasped her hands together, summoning the lords and ladies outside to light a candle in honor of Tommen and Margaery.

She ignored the summoning, and sat in her chair, staring blankly at the table. She knew Cersei well, she’d spent almost every moment of growing up with her, she knew that Cersei still acted as regent when she wasn’t around, but Y/n couldn’t find it in her to care. She knew that she had the power to make Cersei stop now, but she thought that maybe, eventually, a decision put into place by Cersei would bite back, and then Y/n could show Cersei who she was really dealing with. No longer a small child who had to rely on Cersei for her every need. Now she was a woman in her own right. The hips and breasts of a woman who had whelped her own children, She knew how to handle a child when they threw a fit, especially one within her own family. And that’s what Cersei was, a grown woman, who believed she was clever but was still a child in her mentality.

•••

Y/n had made Cersei the hand, all in an attempt to appease her, and silence her while they sat in the council meeting, The girls with Miza and Addam, the two still clearly having tension between them. She had watched as Addam took Cerelle quietly and left with Miza, in complete silence, no words being spoken.

But bigger things were happening. Such as what her mother had just said.

She had spoken of what she would do to Sansa once she found her, that hadn’t worried her, she knew where Sansa was, she knew she was safe. At least she hoped, and she’d pray everyday to no god in particular that she was. But it was her words about the second Stark girl that kept her in awe. “In any case, Lord Eddard’s younger daughter is with Lord Bolton and will be wed to his his son Ramsay as soon as Moat Cailin has fallen.”

Y/n stared up at Cersei in awe, and she saw Cersei staring right back, but instead of the smug and proud look she expected to be on Cersei’s face, she saw the one that always said ‘we will speak later’

“If the North must have a Stark, we’ll give them one.” Lord Merryweather filled Cersei’s wine glass. “Another problem has arisen on the wall, however. The brothers of the Night’s Watch have taken leave of their wits and chosen Ned Stark’s bastard son to be their Lord Commander.”

“Jon Snow.” Y/n spoke confidently, a smirk on her face, one that the lords were clearly disturbed by.

Cersei’s eyes narrowed and she gave a curt nod “I glimpsed him once at Winterfell, though the Stark’s tried their best to hide him away, he looks very much like his father.”

Y/n couldn’t even see Ned’s face anymore, but she did know that he shared similarities to Jon. but Ned had been taller, and Jon had still been a growing boy. And she found herself wondering, if her head would be on his shoulder like it once was, or his chest.

“Snow shared Eddard’s taste for treason too,” Cersei spoke. “The father would have handed the realm to Stannis, The son has given him lands and castles.”

Y/n was the only one in the room who was still at ease, while the men were on the edge of their seats, listening intently, while Y/n sat in her own chair, imagining Jon Snow as Lord Commander. She knew he would one day lead, somehow she just knew, and she found herself wondering, how he was settling into the position, if he was struggling with it as much as Y/n was struggling with being regent.

She knew Jon, in an intimate way and a communicative way. She knew what he was more than likely doing with Stannis.

“The Night’s Watch is sworn to take no part in the ways of the seven kingdoms,” Pycelle remarked. “For thousands of years the black brothers have upheld that tradition.”

“Until now.” Cersei spoke. “The bastard boy has written us to avow that the Night’s Watch takes no side, but his actions give the lie to his words. He has given Stannis food and shelter, yet has the insolence to plead with us for arms and men.”

“An outrage.” Lord Merryweather declared. “We cannot allow the Night’s Watch to join its strength to that of Lord Stannis”

“We must declare this Snow a traitor and a rebel,” Lord Swyft agreed. “The black brothers must remove him.”

And the men had agreed to send no weapons or men to the Night’s Watch until Jon had been removed. Which left Cersei and Y/n alone in the room.

“The girl isn’t Arya. It’s that little red wolf’s friend.” Cersei said through venomous teeth. Which made Y/n shake her head.

“Jeyne. Her name is Jeyne Poole.” Y/n reminded, bouncing her knee. “Letters from the Night’s Watch requesting men, are supposed to be directed to me.” Y/n added.

“You’re biased towards the bastard, you would have given him the things he needed without looking at the entire situation,”Cersei told her.

“And you’re not biased? You hate him.” Y/n said harshly.

“Why wouldn’t I? He bedded you then left you with a child. Made you into a whore, that’s what people think of you now because of him.”

“I bedded him.”

Cersei was stunned into silence now. Holding her glass of wine while she stared at Y/n. “What?”

Y/n cleared her throat for the effect she wanted on Cersei. “Mother, I initiated it. I came up to him. The first night we were in Winterfell, I bedded him, in his bed chambers.”

Cersei shook her head in denial, placing the cup down. But Y/n saw her chance. Cersei never did like to hear about Y/n’s bodily experiences. The first time she’d bled, Cersei avoided the topic all together, and when Y/n spoke of it, Cersei had visibly shuddered.

“He was good. A good first, and I would have been content with him being my last as well. You once spoke of your own intimate experiences in front of me, let me do the same with you.” She said, her pettiness getting worse by the second because of how upset Cersei had made her.

“When he was inside of me for the first time, I was uncomfortable. Because I’d just met him, and I was shy But he made me comfortable, he’d kiss me and hold me, and I got comfortable with him, he gave me pleasure, and a child, one more planned than the other, but he is the father of my daughter, and he’s a good man. He’s doing what he has to, to not get killed.” Y/n ended, standing from her seat, and going to leave the room.

Eventually, Cersei’s ruling behind Y/n’s back would result in it biting her mother back. She repeated to herself.

•••

Tommen came in, three kittens in his arms as he came up to Y/n, Margaery trailing in behind him, holding something bundled up in a blanket.

“Where’d you get them?” Y/n asked turning in her seat to look at her younger brother, the girls looking at the small, furry felines in curiosity. They’d never seen a kitten before, or even a cat, and they’d never really been so close to any animal except for a horse.

Tommen now smiled “Queen Margaery gifted them to me!” He said happily placing them down on the bed. Three of them. Clearly part of the same litter.

You couldn’t tell Cerelle and Lucia were sisters, like you could tell these kittens were siblings. They had different hair, skin tones and eyes. But their faces were similar. and both had Y/n’s freckles.

One of the kittens darted to Lucia, and started purring, Lucia reached out with her chubby hands and grabbed at the cat, but Y/n grabbed her wrist gently and said “Be gentle,” Lucia nodded and then proceeded gently as she placed a hand on the kitten’s head.

Y/n smiled as Lucia giggled at the vibrations from the kitten’s throat that spread throughout and into her hand.

“I have a gift for you as well,” Margaery spoke coming close with what she had bundled up.

Y/n stood and met the older girl halfway before Margaery pulled the linen cloth away from the creature she held, revealing a lion cub. Who blinked and looked around the room, before looking at Y/n.

It felt like the same look Cerelle and Lucia had given her when they were just born. The look of helplessness, and need. They needed her, and now she felt like this lion was guilt-tripping her into caring for it.

“They found him out in a field by Highgarden, our hunters out there found his siblings nearby, all dead, and so was his mother, we don’t know what happened to his father, we didn’t even know lions were in The Reach, and Willas thought you’d appreciate him.”

Y/n reached out for the lion to which Margaery happily handed him over, The lion was a golden color, like Y/n’s hair, and he was large and heavy. Old enough to have been weaned off from his mother, probably the only reason he had been away from his now-deceased mother.

“She eats raw meat, and the cooks have already agreed to put aside raw meat for her every day.”

Y/n nodded as the lion adjusted himself in Y/n’s arms. His large paws draped over a forearm as she held him. “Thank you, Margaery.” Y/n said with a smile.

When Tommen and Margaery had left, and the girl’s put to bed, Miza and Y/n were left sitting on the floor with the lion in Y/n’s lap. Sleeping as well.

“What do you want to name him?”

“Arya named her wolf Nymeria, Sansa named her’s, Lady, Robb’s was… I forgot what Robb’s was. I know Jon named his Ghost because of his fur. I think… Loren. For Loren the Last. He’s the only one they found, probably the last lion that will ever be found in the west.” She spoke softly.


	6. Chapter 6

Loren was kind and gentle for being a Lion. But he wasn’t a pet, that much Y/n knew. He was a companion. And he followed her as she stormed out of the castle to the stables, lifting her jade green gown from touching the dirt.

“Ser Jaime!” She shouted to her father as he stood, readying his horse, Ser Loras, by his side helping him. Jaime turned his head to her, watching as her face turned to pure anger, a facial expression he shared with her mother. A thick line being drawn in the bridge of her nose as her brows furrowed.

“Leave us,” He told Loras, who, upon glancing at Y/n had fear struck into his very heart. She wore her ruby necklace, such a deep red to match her anger and rage. Loras scurried away quickly when the Princess and her lion had reached the knight.

She glared up at her father, while he stared at the lion cub who sat at Y/n’s side, head tilted as he watched Jaime.

Y/n was close to crying. “Don’t go.” A quiet plea. A fearful plea for Jaime to stay with her in King’s Landing. The last time Jaime left King’s Landing, she was sure he’d never come back. And when Renly left, and left her in King’s Landing alone, She cried herself to sleep, and when he died? She didn’t think she’d ever recover. And Stannis? He wanted her, Tommen and Myrcella dead, and even though she’d never been close with him, she thought at one point in her life, long ago, that she could trust him. She couldn’t let Jaime leave again. He was her father. And he’d finally been able to be one for the first time since she was born.

Jaime’s face went from stoic and ready for a fight, to soft and regretful as he pulled her into his embrace. “I have to.” He said softly.

Y/n shook her head aggressively. “You don’t have to do anything, just stay here. Stay with us, please. I already lost Renly, I can’t lose you too.” She begged as he pulled away from the embrace.

“I want to, Gods I wish I could take you with me, but you are the regent, and you need to rule for Tommen.”

Y/n forced a nod as he pulled her back into the warm embrace, holding her tightly, “Īlon’re lēda ao, dārilaros, syt sir, sevamoriot” He whispered to her.

•••

“The last high septon was imprisoned for being too fat.” Miza spoke, holding the lion cub in her arms, while Y/n ate and Lucia sat in her lap while Cerelle slept.

Y/n snorted a bit, handing a cut piece of chicken to Lucia who clumsily pushed it into her mouth. “My mother never did like the fat men she was surrounded by.” She laughed quietly which made Miza giggle as well.

“I think we should take the girls to the sept. Let them see the statues of the gods, introduce them.” Miza spoke softly, with a smile as she pet the cub’s ears softly

“I hate that sept, with a fiery passion. But they shouldn’t. They should be able to worship their gods. And Luci… You be able to worship whichever gods you choose. Old or new. Though I think your father would much prefer you worship the old.” Y/n said with a laugh as Lucia looked up at her in curiosity.

“What’s a father, mama?” She questioned looking up at Y/n with curious grey eyes. It startled Y/n. Hearing the question made Y/n realize, Lucia didn’t really have one, she had Jon’s blood in her veins yes, but she’d never met him, and he’d never be able to be her father.

“You know how you were in Mama’s belly?” Miza asked catching both of their attention. Luci nodded eagerly.

“Like Elle!” She said happily.

Miza nodded with a hum. “Your father put you there. He’s supposed to be here, but he has other things he must do, to ensure you’re safe.”

Y/n smiled before hearing Cerelle’s whining from the bed. Y/n sighed, placing Lucia down on the wooden chair as she stood and walked to Cerelle who instantly cheered up upon seeing Y/n hovering over her.

“You ready for a little trip? We’re going to the sept!” Y/n said with a feigned excited voice as she picked up the child, and as Miza stood, placing Loren down who quietly followed Lucia as she slid out of the chair and wobbled to follow Y/n, but Miza beat her to it, scooping her up before she could fall.

When Y/n opened the door, she saw Addam already there, a fist raised to knock, and he looked down at the women, children and lion cub as they stared at him.

“Come along, Flowers.” She called him by his last time,

They all got into a litter, and went to the sept, in happy filled squeals from the girls as they played at their feet at the bottom of the litter, and the small attempts of roars and growls from Loren who was trying to play with them.

The sept was mostly empty as they walked in. A few septas giving Y/n curious glances as she walked up to the mother, holding Lucia to her hip talking to her about the gods, and how the mother was the reason why Lucia had been born, because the Mother had given Y/n the ability to have children. And Miza showed Cerelle to the gods as well, while Addam sttod awkwardly to the side, the lion cub by his side, lounging next to Addam’s feet, a deep purring coming from the lion.

When Y/n had brought Lucia to the Warrior, was when she heard people come into the room hall. She turned her head to see men in tattered robes.

“Queen Regent Y/n of the houses Baratheon and Tyrell, you are under arrest for adultery, treason and incestious relations with your brother.” the older man stated.

Y/n laughed loudly while Miza and Addam now stood on gaurd, and Loren now stood on all four paws and trotted over to Y/n and Lucia, circling around Y/n’s feet before rubbing his head on Y/n’s ankles in a protective manner. “You’re part of the sept, you have no right to arrest people, not anymore, not since Maegor the first outlawed it.” She laughed, hefting Lucia up onto her hip.

“I believe that it was your mother, who restored that right.” The older man spoke, confidently.

“What?”

But before she could take a step back, two younger men grabbed her arms trying to pull them apart, but she’d drop Luci if that happened, so she struggled against them, holding Luci even tighter as the toddler began to cry, and so did Cerelle who was passed to Addam who’d rushed over.

Loren gave the best roar he could as he tried to attack the men, but he was small and unable to inflict any real harm. Miza began shouting in a panic as she tried to pull the men off of Y/n, but they finally pulled her arms apart from each other, letting Lucia fall from her grasp. Lucia hit the marble flooring with a thud, and her sobbing got worse, that was when Y/n began to start crying in rage as she saw Lucia reach to her ankle which was now a bright red. Y/n knew what happened. She heard the crack of a bone, breaking. She knew what these men had done.

She fought even harder to get to Lucia, to try and ease her child’s pain, but they dragged her away, as Loren growled at them, standing in front of Lucia protectively, and Miza picked the toddler up into her own arms.

They pulled her into a hall where she could no longer see Miza or Addam, and she cried even harder, still trying to fight against them before she got a door open and threw her into a room that was smaller than the privy her grandfather had been found in. Then again, his privy was quite large.

“You hurt my child!” She screamed, hitting one of the men, but her long nails scratched at his face, leaving slim cuts across their face.

He hit her, sending her back before the door closed.


	7. Chapter 7

The first few nights the men had tried to get her to confess had been tedious, she waited for them to make her mad before she hit them, nails digging into their skin every time.

Her hands had been bound the tenth time she had tried to hit one of the men. They’d cut her nails down so she couldn’t scratch anybody. But her rage was still boiling. She hated everyone of them. They hurt her daughter. Jon’s daughter. And if it had been Cerelle? Would they have done it? Did they know that Cerelle was Joffrey’s baby? His little girl? No, they couldn’t possibly know that. Only She and Joffrey had known what truly happened in their rooms whenever he took her. Of course Miza knew the basics. But she had never been there, she’d never really know what happened between them. No one would.

Y/n’s wrists were sore, the rope had rubbed them to the point of discomfort, maybe even raw, but she chose to ignore it. Her thoughts on Lucia, and the ankle she surely broke from the fall.

Y/n could still hear Lucia’s cries. But never in her sleep. She hadn’t slept. The men kept her awake with that gods awful bell they rang whenever they thought she was drifting off.

She knew they wanted her to confess, but she refused, she wouldn’t. Instead she’d sit here, in her petticoats and corset, awake, and praying that Lucia was healing, and that Loren was protecting her daughters.

“Your Grace.” She heard a voice. The High Sparrow. She looked up to see him in the doorway. Her mother put this man in charge. When she put Cersei in the position of Hand, she thought that the decisions Cersei made would bite Cersei back, never her.

“Yes, your holiness?” She said, venom laced in her words as the man made his way to a stool that Y/n hadn’t dared to sit on. She’d been here for almost two weeks, and she refused to go to the side of the concrete cell that the door was on. She was covered in dirt and grime from the cell, her face dirtied, and her own blood between her legs.

“I would like to tell you what I believe has happened to you in these past years that you have sinned in the eyes of our gods.” He spoke as the door closed.

“Oh please, do say less.” She said sarcastically, her bound hands awkwards placed in her lap, in the groove where her thighs were against each other.

He sighed and placed his hands on his knees. He was far different from the last Septon. The last wore the glamorous crown her grandfather had commissioned proudly, and dressed in stunning, dyed silks, this man, dressed like a beggar from Flea Bottom.

“You were informed by your father, King Robert, that you could have possibly married Robb Stark.” Y/n nodded, she already knew that. Robert had wanted it to happen, but it never did. “So, you and he, while in Winterfell, eloped.”

That caught Y/n off guard, her eyes went side and her fists clenched as she stared at the old scrawny man in shock, but she let him continue.

“And you consummate your marriage, In which Robb Stark and You, had Lucia Stark. Your daughter. And technically heir to Winterfell. But when you fell pregnant, you were too scared to tell anyone, and when things went sour with Ned Stark, you told everyone, she was a bastard, And when he started his war, you couldn’t tell anyone, not even your handmaiden. Which is why you never spoke ill of him, and he never spoke ill of you. In fact, many said he’d never even hurt a hair on your pale head.” He said, clearing his throat before he continued. “You and I both know you wouldn’t ever willingly lay with your brother, so I will not go into those details, but we both know Cerelle and Tybolt were his children. But when Robb married Jeyne Westerling you felt betrayed, and you agreed to marry Willas Tyrell. And the nursemaids who were with you on the trip to High Garden have confirmed your tantrum when you were informed of Robb’s death. You are the lady of Winterfell, and you are not truly Willas Tyrell’s wife, You are Robb Stark’s widow, and mother to his heir. Your daughter is Queen of the North.”

Now Y/n was beginning to panic, she stood up and backed away from the man. “Confess.” He spoke softly. “And you can have your walk of repentance today.“

Y/n remained quiet for a minute before looking at him again. “Who told you that?” She questioned.

“There were rumors. Not to mention, your daughter looks like a Stark. Grey eyes, tan skin, and dark brown hair, it must have skipped Robb, and went to his daughter. Not to mention, you never supported the war, or spoke badly of Robb Stark. Or expressed anger at how he was beating your grandfather in the war until he was assassinated.”

Y/n began to cry now. Is that what everyone thought happened? Did they think she had married Robb in secret? That she’d ever really been close to Robb in such a way? She’d known his brother, his bastard brother. She’d known the brother of the Night’s Watch. She’d known The Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. She let his head rest on her bare breasts at night, and she had let him into her bed. She’d never known Robb in such a way. Had she’d been forced to marry him, then yes, she would have, but she never did.

He sighed and nodded. “Confess.” He spoke softly. Far softer than the septa had. They’d yelled at her and when they poured a cup full of water onto the floor when she wouldn’t confess, she hadn’t drank from the floor, she’d held her head high, and ignored it.

Would this be the best future for her daughter? For her? She’d get out of her marriage to Willas. Something she’d already thought of having done. Robb Stark’s title was King in the North. That’d make Lucia queen at almost three years old. But she could negotiate. She was regent. She could bargain, and let them call her a bastard. Or declare it invalid marriage because there was no record of it like there was for Robb and Jeyne.

She took in a shaky breath. “I confess. To have whelped Robb Stark’s legitimate heir to the North, and Winterfell, Lucia of house Stark. And to have married Willas Tyrell out of spite, because Robb had angered me.” All of what she had said hurt her. She was hurting Robb’s good name,but clearing hers, and Luci’s. She was speaking ill of the dead. Something she’d never done, just to protect her family.

He nodded.”We will still have a trial for the claims of incest. But you will walk today. I will send in the septas.”

They weren’t gentle. The septa’s hands roughly scrubbed at Y/n’s dirt-covered body as she sat in the wooden tub. They had cleaned her thoroughly, and now she was clean, but now, her skin was pink with irritation.

When they sat her in the chair is when she protested. Especially when they pulled out the scissors and razor. “Don’t cut my hair! It’s not a punishment for me, but for my children, they love my hair.” She found her way to guilt trip them into letting her keep her hair. “Tybolt loved my hair.” She spoke softly now.

The septa with the scissors only looked at Y/n with a blank expression before pulling her hair up and cutting off the long, wet curls from her bath. She cut her hair to her scalp, before taking the razor to the short stuble left of Y/n’s head. And then she handed the razor off to another septa who shaved Y/n of every other hair on her body. This was supposed to shame her. But Y/n only thought about how her oldest daughter, how her ankle was, if it had been her ankle that had broken, or is Y/n had imagined the sound of a breaking bone. 

They’d groomed her nails, and her feet, before pulling a stiff fabric over her body, acting as a shift. They were going to see her as Lady Stark now, and that scared her. They were going to see Lucia as a little queen. And that could put her in danger. She knew she had to ask for Miza’s help. She needed to flee. She needed to get her children out of King’s Landing.

She’d tell Addam and Miza ‘Issi ao lēda nyke sir?’

Are you with me now?


	8. Chapter 8

There was fear running through her veins at the thought of walking down these streets. She could remember when the small folk rioted. But she couldn’t help the worry for Lucia and Cerelle. The worry was far more powerful than the fear.

The warrior’s Sons stood on either side of her, ready to guide her to the red keep. They were there to make sure she wouldn’t be killed by the small folk, and the septas were getting ready to announce her sins to the people.

Y/n stood quietly, she had nothing to say for herself. But the septa had things to say for her. “Y/n of the house Baratheon-”

“Wait.” She interrupted. “Let me.” She told the septas, who looked at her, confused, The older one nodded. And moved aside for her to move forward and tell them herself. “I am Y/n of house Lannister, and I am only here to confess so I may see my daughters again. My sins are that I eloped with the late king, Robb Stark, while on my father’s trip to Winterfell after Jon Arryn died. My daughter, Lucia Waters, is not a bastard.” She began her lie. “She is the heir to Winterfell, and her name is Lucia Stark. When my brother, Joffrey started the war, I couldn’t tell anyone. So i said she was a bastard. And when Robb married Jeyne Westerling, I was angry, and I felt betrayed, so when my grandfather offered my hand to Willas Tyrell, I could never say otherwise, in fear of telling my secret. That is my sin. I committed adultery while my husband, Robb, was still alive. And before my invalid marriage to Willas. My brother, Joffrey forced himself on me. Forced me into having his children. That is not my carnal lustful sin, but rather my brother’s” She ended. The people looked on in shock, some didn’t look surprised and others held pity. The septa gave her a look. And she gave a nervous, shaky sigh before slipping her arms out the sleeves and letting the shift fall to her feet, exposing her body to the people.

Most looked away as she began to walk down the steps. These were the steps where Ned had been killed, and they were the steps where Y/n’s dignity had been killed.

She remembered Jon’s words to her that last night she had him. He’d finished inside of her and he was still hovering over her, looking at her. ‘Why would such a strong girl like you want to do this with me?’

She didn’t have an answer then, but she did now. “I’m not strong.” She mumbled to herself going down the steps. “I’m a pretender.” She added to herself as she finally reached the cobblestone street and continued her walk, looking above the buildings to the hill where her home had been built so long ago.

“Queen Y/n!” She heard from the crowd. It set off a chain reaction, the rest of the crowd shouting her name but with ‘Queen’ before it. She closed her eyes and took in the air around her. The smell of ocean water taking over her senses, and the sound of the water distantly crashing against the hill the Red Keep had been built on.

“Your Grace.” She heard from in front of her. Opening her eyes she saw an older woman with a thick blanket being held in her arms. Large enough to cover a bed. The woman met Y/n halfway and wrapped the handmaid blanket around Y/n’s shoulders, covering Y/n’s exposed body. “Go in the light, Your Grace.” She said before walking back to the side of the street when the Warrior’s Sons got too close.

A small smile came across Y/n’s face at the gesture before she continued, passing by unfamiliar faces. Who either looked away, or watched her, yelling her name. But the worst was yet to come. But not as bad as she’d assume. No one made comments about her body like she always did in the mirror. They instead insulted her hair, or her daughters, which made her want to jump from the streets and beat whoever had said it. Her daughters weren’t involved in this mess. They were their own people. And they would one day make decisions for themselves once they were old enough. The threw glass bottles into the street, which shattered for Y/n to step on. And she did, cutting her feet.

Once Y/n had reached the top of the hill, she was able to stop and take a breath. She walked faster than the men escorting her. Which was odd. They were all taller than her, and none of them had put on any extra weight from carrying children like Y/n had.

The gates to the castle opened, and Miza came running out, in a pair of trousers and a tucked in tunic, she ran to Y/n and pulled her into a hug.

“Lucia?” Y/n asked, pulling away and looking up at Miza who nodded

“She’s fine. Qyburn said it’s just a broken ankle, small, she should heal quickly.” She responded before leading Y/n into the castle where Cersei stood. She tried to walk towards Y/n but Y/n walked past her, her goal on her bed chambers, where Lucia and Cerelle would be. She reached them through pure adrenaline. And when she opened the door, Lucia, Cerelle and Addam all looked up.

“Mama!” Lucia shouted from the bed. Y/n ran to her and scooped her up from the bed. The blanket almost falling from her body.

Y/n held Lucia tight against her before walking to Cerelle who was on the other side of the bed, scooping her up with the other arm and holding her just as tight,

“My girls.” She whispered. “We’re going to leave soon.” She said, placing them back down on the bed and looking at Addam and Miza. “Issi ao lēda nyke sir?”

Miza’s faze became unreadable as she turned her gaze to Addam, who looked at Miza as well, with a knowing grin. “Va Moriot” Addam spoke in Valyrian looking back as Y/n. “I will have the ship readied.” He added, standing and heading for the door.

Y/n stopped him, giving him a one handed hug, her other hand keeping the blanket in place. Addam hugged her back. “We’ll get you back to him. I promise.” He said, pulling back and leaving.

Miza smiled at Y/n and nodded. “Let’s clean you up.”

•••

Miza had helped Y/n into a red gown. In a Qarth style. Had she not worn the gold breastplate that acted like a corset underneath, her right breast would have shown. A piece of gold silk was placed on Y/n’s head, before a headpiece of scale mail made of gold.

“We’ll get on the boat, and go to the ship, it’ll take us directly to Eastwatch. Their Commander has already agreed to let one of his men escort us to Castle Black.” Miza told her, taking a cloth to the gold bodice, and headpiece to get rid of any fingerprints.

“When?”

“Tonight. I’ll have clothes packed, including your grandmother’s cloak for the cold. I’ll pack as much things for Lucia and Cerelle, for warmth.” Miza told her, as Y/n stood from her seat, looking over to her sleeping children.

“When tonight? The small council is sure to call me in to question me about Lucia, and Robb.” Y/n pointed out.

Miza nodded “They called a meeting for tomorrow. We’ll be halfway to Widow’s Watch by then, by the end of the day tomorrow we should be near Widow’s Watch. Three days. Then we’ll be in the North. Then two more, and we’ll be at Castle Black.”

Five days. Y/n thought. Five days until Y/n had to face Jon. Who had to have changed since they last saw each other. He was Lord Commander now, and she regent for the time being. And to the people in the streets, she was queen.

•••

Y/n had helped Miza pack the trunk, with Lucia sitting on a chair, her wooden cast preventing her from walking around, while Cerelle stood on wobbly and uncoordinated legs, leaning against the trunk. It was all she could do for the time being, until she fully learned how to walk. She could walk a little, if she was holding onto something.

“Luci, which toys do you want?” Y/n questioned looking to her daughter who stared at her before shrugging.

“Rose.” Was her answer. Y/n smiled and laughed, grabbing the wooden rose from the bed and putting it into the trunk. Next to Y/n’s Myrish hood which she stored for incase it became cold, which she knew it would. 

Y/n grabbed Cerelle’s favorite toy, a doll, and put it in the trunk next to Lucia’s. “Do we have enough?” She asked looking at Miza, who nodded, picking Cerelle up and closing the trunk so she wouldn’t squish Cerelle’s hands. “Addam will come and take it to the boat. I have to change.” She said.

“I’ll help.” Y/n told her as Miza reached under the bed and pulled out a smaller trunk and opened it, to reveal her breast plate and red Dornish long sleeved vest.

Miza pulled both out, as well as a belt and large black boots, made for fighting or the snow. “Help me get this breastplate on.” Miza told her, holding out the bronze metal to Y/n. Y/n took it and Miza turned her back to her letting Y/n pull it around her body, before tying the thick ribbion to keep it in place.

“Alright.” Y/n told her grabbing the red vest. It had fur lining inside, the orange fur of a fox, to match the orange in the Martell colors.

Miza slipped her arms into the vest, holding onto her sleeves to keep it from uncomfortably bunching up at her elbows. Y/n tightened the ribbion on the vest like she would a corset before tying it. She grabbed Miza’s belt, wrapping it around Miza’s waist so she could buckle it herself. Y/n took the ribbons of both the breastplate and vest, and tucked it into the belt. Miza pulled away and kicked off her shoes before pulling the boots onto her feet. “Now we wait for Addam.”

Addam had come and taken the trunk away hours ago, leaving them all in Y/n’s chambers, waiting. And it was almost midnight before he came back, trying his best to quietly close the door. He wore a dark green cloak, hood over his head before he handed one cloak to Miza, a deep orange, almost brown, before he handed another one to Y/n, a deep dark crimson red.

“We have to go quickly. There are men walking around the castle in shifts. The current one circles around this hall every thirty minutes.” He informed, picking up Lucia’s sleeping figure, while Y/n picked Cerelle up and held her close before putting the cloak on.

“The High Sparrow’s men?” Y/n asked, pulling the hood over her head. In unison with Miza.

“No, your mother’s.” He answered.

“I’ll meet you both outside in a second, I need to do something.” Y/n handed Cerelle to Miza who followed Addam outside into the hall.

Y/n grabbed the lantern, and opened it, taking the candle out with careful hands, not wanting to burn herself with hot wax. Taking in a deep breath she got the corner of her blankets, and held the flame up to it. The fire would spread before taking over the room. It would distract her mother’s men, and they’d be able to make a cleaner get away.

The blankets caught the flame and very slowly it traveled. Y/n dropped the lantern next to the bed and threw the candle onto her desk where the parchments quickly caught fire. She opened the door and closed it, getting odd looks from Miza and Addam who held her children. “We need to go before they notice the fire.” She whispered, taking Cerelle from Miza.

Addam rolled his eyes and sped walked down the hall, still holding Lucia as he dodged the sight of Cersei’s men. And quickly led them to the stairwell that would lead under the castle, where the artifacts of Targaryen history were held.

“We can get to the ocean from there. The boat is down there.” He said, almost as if he knew what Y/n had been thinking.

Y/n nodded, following him down into the dark, where he grabbed a lit torch from the wall, leading both Miza and Y/n deeper in before she could hear the water where the cave ended and it entered the ocean.

A small row boat sat unattended, with the trunk nestled into it. Addam got to the boat and waited for Y/n and Miza to sit down so he could hand Lucia over to Miza.

Addam got to the back of the boat and pushed it back into the water enough so he could hop into the boat and row them to the ship that was visible from their spot.

Lucia was awake now and looking all around in curiosity. “Mama… where are we?” she asked looking over to Y/n who looked at her oldest daughter.

“We’re on a boat. Soon to be on a ship. And they’ll be somewhere safe.” She told her, cupping Lucia’s cheek with a smile. “We’ll all be safe again.”

Lucia nodded and looked at Addam before back at the cave. Y/n could see the gears moving in her head trying to process it all and it made Y/n smile even more as they reached the ship. Every candle was lit in the castle now, and where Y/n’s window was, she could see smoke coming out and rising into the sky.

“Miza! My girl!” Y/n heard from the ship. She looked up seeing a woman with dark curly hair and dark skin. Like Miza’s.

“Mother?” Miza asked, a confused happy tone being shot into the night air at the sight of the woman who smiled.

“Let’s get you aboard.” she spoke, letting down a letter from the top of the ship. It made sense now. The Feathered Kiss was a Swan Ship.

Y/n looked at Miza who traded girls with her. Y/n now carrying Lucia to the ladder with her. “Luci, hold onto me really tight, I can’t hold you.” She told her daughter. Luci nodded, wrapping her legs around Y/n, with her arms wrapping around Y/n’s neck. Y/n carefully climbed the latter and with help from Miza’s mother she got over the edge of the ship onto the deck, where some of her men were.

Next came Miza, who climbed up the latter with one hand the other holding Cerelle tightly so as not to drop her.

Miza’s mother helped her over before planting a firm kiss onto Miza’s forehead, before she let two ropes down so Addam could tie them to the trunk so her other men could lift it up into the ship. A few moments later, Addam came up and smiled at Miza’s mother who patted his shoulder. “It’s good to see the mysterious Addam.” She joked, before pulling the latter up back into the ship. The men got the trunk onto the ship as well, and now, the mother who Miza always talked about faced the five bastards, a smile on her face before she walked up to Y/n. “I’m not Westerosi, but I believe what Miza has told me, and I believe that you will one day be their Queen.” She told Y/n before she moved her hands in a circle for her men to continue to move their ship. “Welcome aboard, Queen Lannister.”


	9. Chapter 9

Cersei had run the moment she’d been woken up by a knight who told her her daughter’s chambers were afire. She’d ran in her night gown to the teen girl’s chambers, and when the fire had been completely put out, she was in tears. Seeing the charred room. The wooden posts of the bed that held the canopy had broken onto the stone floor. Everything was burned, and on the now black stone floor, the glass lantern was shattered, and the candle on the desk.

“Where is she.” She asked turning to Ser Osmund who stayed silent, staring at Cersei. Who’s teary eyes became angry when he didn’t answer. “Where is my daughter!?” She screamed at the top of her lungs, her voice carrying through the hall.

“My Lady, We haven’t found her.”

•••

Y/n smiled walking onto the deck of the ship, now wearing her grandmother’s cloak. It was the third day. And the snow was falling not only on land, but the deck as well. Loren was by her side. The night before they’d all left, Addam had brought him to the ship so they didn’t have to worry about getting all of them here in the dead of night. Lucia still had her wooden cast on her ankle, and she sat on a wooden box, watching the snow fall, Miza sat with her, Cerelle in her lap, hooking Lucia’s cloak into place.

The maester of the ship examining Lucia’s ankle. “Mama!” Lucia spoke happily. “The man say I can have it off!” She said as Y/n approached them, Loren galloping after her.

Y/n looked to the Maester. “She’ll be able to walk?” She asked, a hand resting on Lucia’s back.

The older man nodded, taking a small blade to the thin ropes keeping the wooden cast in place, sawing through it. “She’ll be a bit weak at walking at first, since she’s been in it for a fortnight and a half, but yes, she’ll be able to.” He said taking the wooden cast off, to show Lucia’s skin which had grown pale under the wood. Lucia curled her toes with a smile before uncurling them, making a circle with her foot.

“What do you say to the maester, Luci?” Y/n asked her hand moving to Lucia’s curls, pushing them back, and resting on the back of her head.

“Thanks!” She said happily.

The maester smiled at Lucia before turning his attention to Y/n. “You’ll be leaving soon.” He said, pulling something out of his robes. “Give this to her every night, it will help the bone become as strong as it was before.” He told her,

“Thank you.” She dismissed, taking the bottle from him. He walked away and Addam came over.

“boats will be coming for us, from the castle. I suggest you ride with Lucia and Cerelle, Miza and I will ride with Loren.” He spoke, giving a glance to the Lion Cub who was now laying down under Lucia’s feet which dangled off the box.

“Alright.” She said, helping Lucia down from the box as Miza’s mother called for the anchor to be dropped.

Y/n heard the splash of the anchor in the water before the woman came to the group, a smile on her face and hands on her hips. With a hand she reached into her small purse attached to her belt. She took out a gold seahorse on a chain, handing it to Addam, who looked at her strangely, before she pulled out two more. One with a lion, and the other, with the Martel sun and spear. Handing the lion to Y/n, while Miza got the sun and spear. She pulled out two others. One with a wolf, handing it to Lucia, and the other, a smaller lion, handing it to Miza.

“Bastards.” She scoffed. “I never did like the title. In my firm opinon, the moment I carried Miza and Sarella in my womb, they were Martels. And I’m sure that to your mothers, you were a Lannister.” She said nodding to Y/n. “And you were a Velaryon.” She turned back to Y/n. “what were your children?”

Y/n smiled softly at that. “Lucia’s father is a bastard, and bastard of Lord Stark. So to me, she was a Stark. And Cerelle… Well, she was never her father’s, only mine, so she’s a Lannister.”

Miza’s mother smiled and nodded before looking at the water. “The black brothers are here.” She announced to the three of them. Y/n turned to see the boats rowing towards the ship. “I’ll lower the latter.”

Y/n was on one of the boats with Cerelle and Lucia first, then, they lowered their chest onto a boat, where Miza, Loren and Addam got onto. “Goodbye, mother!” Miza said farewell, waving her hand up to her mother who waved back. “Catch!” She said, taking a spear from one of her crew members, tossing it down to Miza who caught it one handed. “It was your father’s!”

Y/n couldn’t see Miza’s face she could tell Miza was smiling with teary eyes. “Thank you!”

They rowed them to the shore, where more brother of the Night’s Watch waited. “Welcome, Your Highness!” A man greeted. Once they were a few feet away from the snow covered shore.

He was not the largest of men, but he was taller than Y/n, but certainly not taller then Addam, and barely taller than Miza. He had small eyes, and a widow’s peak. His nose was crooked from a previous break that hadn’t healed properly, and his beard was thin and sparse.

“Hello.” She greeted as the man rowing them held out an ore for one of the men to grab to pull the boat closer to the shore.

The man held out a hand to help Y/n out of the boat. Very carefully, Y/n stepped out of the boat, Cerelle in her arms before she held her hand out to Lucia who took it and very clumsily got out of the boat.

“I’m Commander Cotter Pyke, welcome to Eastwatch-by-the-sea.” He welcomed as Miza and Addam got out of their boat, setting Loren down on the wet snow covered ground, he pranced over to Y/n’s feet. “How long are you staying?” He asked.”

“Not long.” Addam answered. His voice now rough and gravely, compared to on the ship. Miza held her spear, firmly.

“We want to be in Castle Black as soon as possible.” Miza added for him.

Cotter nodded. “We will have horses readied for you immediately.” He told them, before gesturing to them to follow.

They followed Cotter into the castle walls, where some of the men went to the stables, pulling out a small cart to be pulled by a horse for the trunk, and three other horses for them to ride.

“Lord Commander Snow won my vote, from what Tarly told me he’s a good man. But you should tell him for me that if he mucks it up I’ll kill him.” He told Y/n as the horses were brought over. The trunk loaded onto the caged cart where Addam placed the little lion cub who settled down next to the trunk.

“I’ll let him know.” Y/n told him. As a white mare was brought to her. “Beautiful horse.” She said observing the mare as she gave a neigh.

“Aye, She’s all yours.” He told her, handing her the reins. Y/n handed Cerelle to Miza before Addam helped her onto her horse.

“Who’s riding with who?” She asked, but Lucia started jumping at Y/n’s horse trying to get up. She smiled and nodded. “I guess Luci’s with me.” She smiled as Addam helped Lucia to sit in front of Y/n on the horse.

“I’ll be with Cerelle.” Miza told Y/n, handing the redheaded infant over to Addam before hopping onto her horse and reaching out for Cerelle. Addam put Miza’s spear in the cart with Loren and the trunk before he got onto his own horse. A younger man, maybe a bit older than Addam came over. He had dark black hair, and pale skin, his eyes bright blue.

“This is Gage Rivers, he’ll take you all Castle Black.” Cotter told them. And the man smiled and nodded.

“Nice to meet you all.” He said, getting onto the horse that would pull the cart.

•••

The moon was up, it had been for a few hours, but it was getting late, and Lucia and Cerelle were growing tired. “It’s time for sleep.” Y/n told Lucia who got onto the cart where they’d set up the makeshift bed for the girls.

Lucia hopped onto the cart and got under the cloaks that the three older bastards had used to leave King’s Landing, that were too thin to individually wear this far north, but when layered, made the perfect blanket for the girls to keep warm, but Cerelle also had her red, fur lined one. So did Lucia, but Luci preferred to snuggle with it when she slept. Loren jumped onto the cart and layed at the girl’s feet, guarding them in silence.

Y/n smiled and turned to go back the few feet to the others.

“They’re getting big.” Miza observed quietly, as not to wake Addam or gage, or the girls.

Y/n nodded sitting down next to Miza. her headpiece still in place to her surprise. “I’m scared.” She admitted in a whisper.

“Of what?

“Seeing Jon. What will he think of me? I haven’t done much good. All I’ve done is lie about Lucia’s father and have sex with my brother.” Y/n told her, shaking her head.

Miza grabbed Y/n’s hand and held it in silence for a few moments before a rustle in the leaves caught their attention.

“What was that?” Y/n asked.

A group of three men stepped out, covered in muck and whatever else that made them smell foul. Addam and Gage woke up startled when one of the men kicked them. They backed up and reached for their weapons.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” One of the men spoke. The larger one. Who was almost the size of Gregor Clegane. Which was giant compared to all of them. The others are just slightly smaller, but still bigger than the rest of them.

Cerelle and Lucia woke up to the deep and angry sounding voice. Lucia being the one to sit up and look at everyone.

Y/n stood from her spot on the ground watching as the men observed her. “A pretty red.” The larger man commented. “I’ve only ever seen that red on a noble woman before. When I was boy in Lannisport. Lady Joanna came down from Casterly rock wearing that shade of red.”

Y/n clenched her jaw at the mention of her grandmother. This man was certainly older than her. Possibly a few years older than her mother and father if he remembered what Joanna had once worn

“You even look like her. Those pretty green eyes.” He was freaking Y/n out, and Addam and Gage saw it, standing from their spots on the ground as well before they noticed the girls in the cart.

“I see it now. Two little girls? Lannister red, and pretty green eyes? This here is the Baratheon girl.” He spoke.

“What do you want?” She demanded, small fists clenched. The man looked to the two other men. The one to his right went to the cart and slammed down the gate to it, trapping the girls and the cub inside. The loud thud making them begin to cry. The one to his left grabbed Addam and Gage, while the one who had closed the cart went for Miza. “Stop!” She yelled, as the man pushed Miza to the ground, making Miza scream in shock. The larger man grabbed Y/n, pushing her to the ground as well, making her shout and claw at his hands that were holding her down. Addam and Gage were distracted by the other man who was pushing them into the woods.

The man was trying to push up her skirts without any words, and Y/n’s cut nails were leaving red marks on his skin. “Get off!” She screamed, her voice echoing.

He got her skirts mostly to her hips before he was focusing his attention on her small clothes. She reached for her dagger that was attached to a sheath on her thigh. She pulled it out and buried it into the man’s back, making him scream out in pain. The girl’s cries were louder now and Cerelle was screaming for Y/n at the top of her lungs as best she could.

Y/n flipped their position so she was on top, and she brought her knife into his chest, and continued to stab until blood was flooding his mouth and streaming down his cheeks and chin. She got off of him, her hands covered in blood, and so was her face. She looked to Miza who was still keeping the man who was on her at bay, kicking at him to prevent him from being able to pull down her trousers.

Y/n grabbed the back of his coat and pulled him back before letting him stumble and fall into the fire they’d made earlier. The man wailed in pain before rolling into the snow and getting up again, trying to charge at Y/n like a bull. She quickly moved out of the way and grabbed his arm before he could move past her, She pulled him down and in a second brought his elbow against her knee, breaking his forearm out of place from his upper arm. He yelped out like before, trying to move away before Y/n stabbed him in the neck multiple times. She moved past the girls who were staring at her in shock. She went to Addam’s horse, uncovering the sword he’d brought with him, but always kept covered, only to reveal Joffery’s sword.

She tossed her knife onto the snow, pulling the sword from Addam’s horse and walking over to the tree line where Addam and Gage were still trying to fight off the last man. He didn’t even hear her walking over and in one swift movement, Y/n pushed the sword through the man’s back and through his chest. She pulled it out, and the man fell at their feet.

Addam and Gage looked up at Y/n, seeing her blood covered hands and face, before they observed the scene. Cerelle and Lucia now sniffling in the cart, while Loren stood on guard, still growling, Miza laying on her back exhausted, staring up at the sky, and two other dead men.

“How did you do that?” Gage questioned, stunned how she, someone so small compared to them, practically child size compared to them, took all three out without any help.

Y/n let out a tired breath before saying. “I just imagined what I wanted to do my family.” She admitted tossing the sword aside, going to Miza’s side, helping her up from the snow and going to the cart, and undoing the gate. Lucia practically crawled into Y/n’s arms, and Cerelle did too, neither of them letting go until she sat down in front of the fire with them, none of the three caring if they were covered in blood or not.

“Your highness… What do you want us to do with their bodies?”

“Burn them. They don’t deserve a proper burial.”


	10. Chapter 10

Miza’s hands were cold against Y/n’s cheeks, the water she’d scooped out of the almost frozen pond making her hands as cold as ice. Miza rubbed the blood off of Y/n’s cheeks, the fire burning meters away. They’d waited until morning to find a water source to clean up. More specifically for Y/n to clean the blood off. But most of it had dried into her skin, and latched onto her, leaving stains in her skin and face. Lucia and Cerelle were asleep in the cart, Addam watching them. They refused to sleep without having Y/n near, so Gage had set the men’s corpses’ aflame while they went to the pond.

“It’s stained.” Y/n told her when Miza tried to rub away the deep pink marks on her skin. “He’ll just have to know.” Y/n knew why Miza was trying so hard to rub it off. Because Miza knew Y/n had been afraid of Jon seeing her and the children like this. Covered in blood and tired. But now, Y/n didn’t care. If Jon saw her stained in blood that wasn’t her own, he’d know that she was capable.

Miza gave her a sad look before nodding. “At least make yourself presentable for them.” She said, referring to Cerelle and Lucia.

Y/n nodded and Miza scooped more water, taking it to Y/n’s arms, rubbing away most of it, but even darker pink was left behind compared to her face. “Why do we have Joffrey’s sword?” She asked, looking at Miza finally. She’d had a blank stare on her face for hours now.

“It was for your name day. Tommen wanted you to have it.” Miza answered.

“When is my name day?” She asked looking down, not remembering what the month was, and in the past few years of not celebrating her name day, she’d forgotten the month, and day.”

Miza stared at her in shock, hands still on Y/n’s arms, realizing that Y/n had lacked such care from her family, that even when Miza had her favorite meals made on her name day, she hadn’t known why, and just thought Miza was being overly attentive.

“It’s on the twenty-first.” She reminded her. “Of the tenth month of the year. Robert and Cersei married the last day of the first month of the year, you were born nine months later.”

Y/n nodded and made an ‘oh’ sound, looking down at the snow. It was freezing. “Is that soon?” She asked looking at Miza again who looked at her even more shocked.

“When is Lucia’s name day?” She questioned, now cupping Y/n’s cheeks keeping Y/n’s eyes on her.

“The fourth day of the first month.” Y/n recited.

“And Cerelle and Tybolt’s?”

“ The tenth day of the eleventh month.”

Miza nodded and sighed.

“They’re barely a year apart. Joffrey raped me before I fully recovered from my childbed.” She spoke numbly. “My baby died before he turned one.”

Miza closed her eyes at the memory of the twin’s birth, and Tybolt’s death. Y/n had been broken for almost a day before she’d pretended like it hadn’t happened, and she put her all into Lucia and Cerelle. She hadn’t truly allowed herself the time to grieve because she believed Luci and Elle needed her more than Y/n needed to grieve.

Miza led Y/n to the horses once she was done. “We need to go, We can make it to Castle Black before noon.” She announced, letting Addam wake the children as Gage helped Y/n onto her horse before Addam brought over a half asleep Lucia putting her in front of Y/n on the saddle. Y/n leaned down, leaving a gentle kiss on her head.

Miza got onto her horse, Gage handing Cerelle to her. They started the journey again. And Miza was right. They reached Castle Black before noon. Only hours after dawn. And Y/n’s stomach sank at the idea of seeing him again. Jon, her Jon. The father to her oldest child. The man who she was still so madly in love with, even though she never told him. And she’d forgotten his face. It was a blur now. All she could see was dark hair, grey eyes and deep tan skin. It’s why Lucia was so much darker than herself. But she knew Lucia wasn’t as dark as he was. She was in the middle. And both her and Cerelle had freckles, her freckles. One of the few things she gave her children. Whoever Jon’s mother had been, she’d left little of herself in him, like Y/n had left little of herself in her children. Lucia had the Stark look, and Cerelle was a weird mix of multiple Lannister looks. She hadn’t even inherited her and Joffrey’s hair, but rather Y/n’s great grandmother’s. A dark strawberry blonde leaning into red.

The horns blew loudly, fully waking Lucia up, who jumped and looked up at Y/n with a confused look. As the sound of the gate opening was heard. “We’re somewhere safe.” She told her.

“We’re done?” She asked, referring to the trip.

“Yes. We’re done.” She said.

As soon as the gates opened she saw a few Baratheon men, with Stannis’ flag with them, they stared at her in shock as they rode in. Her heart was pumping and she was shaking, barely able to hold onto the reins. Miza noticed this and rode her horse closer to Y/n’s taking the reins and leading her horse along while she wrapped her hands around Lucia. She didn’t know if she was shaking from fear or the cold. Or maybe both. They came to a stop in the courtyard where everyone seemed to be.

Black brother’s stared at her, and upon looking up to a deck she saw Selyse glaring down at her, with Shireen next to her, smiling brightly upon seeing Y/n. Y/n gave a shaky wave and Shireen waved back vigorously. But Sylese grabbed her hand making her stop. There was a woman who stared at her on the snow covered ground, with her blonde hair bound into a braid that was brought around her shoulder. A wildling. Y/n slipped off of her horse, and stood, trying to breath, but her stomach was making her want to cry, the feeling of her heart wanting to give out due to nervousness was overwhelming, and she was almost willing to let it happen before she had to face Jon.

She leaned her hands on her horse, and looked up at Miza who smiled at someone behind Y/n, a nod given to them. Turning Y/n’s head she saw all black in the corner of her eye. She fully turned to see. And she knew, she just knew she’d been a fool. How could she have possibly forgotten? He was so handsome, that was her first thought when she’d seen him first. He used to be boyishly handsome, but now, he looked a man. His face hardened, and scars over his left brow that traveled down to his cheek, whatever had given it to him, had barely missed his eye. He wore all black, like the rest of his brothers, and his hair was longer than hers, which wasn’t hard to accomplish at this point. She knew the moment she saw him, that this was him.

She gave a nervous smile, her heart still pounding. This was the man she’d fallen so in love with. The man who fathered her daughter, and left all of his features in Luci. But she was still close to tears, because he’d grown. And she’d missed it. She missed seeing him grow taller, and she’d spent so long away from him, thousands of miles away in a warm city, while he was up here in the cold.

“I tried.” She forced out, almost breaking out into a sob. “I tried to stay, and be strong, like you would have.” She stopped, taking in a deep breath and holding it in before letting it out. “But I couldn’t do it anymore. Everyone was too much. Everything became too much.” She admitted. He stood, his face softer than it would be if he was resting it. His face always softened when she saw him. Even in Winterfell.

She took a wobbly step towards him, and stepped barely two meter away from her horse before Jon came to her in quick strides, picking her up in a warm and tight embrace. His arms wrapped around her waist, and her feet no longer touching the ground as she buried her head in the crook of his fur covered neck, letting the sobs go as he collapsed onto his knees holding her, his own tears letting loose as he held her. Impossibly close. Their chests closer than ever before. She could barely breath in the embrace, but she couldn’t complain. She had him in her arms again. She tangled her finger into his hair, her other hand gripping onto his pelt as she cried.

“I missed you everyday.” He told her, making her cry harder at hearing his voice. “I could barely see your face in my head last night.” He admitted.

“I couldn’t see yours.” She admitted in a full blown sob, as he pulled back and cupped her cheeks in his glove covered hands. As he smiled at her.

“Even more beautiful than before.”

Y/n gave a pitiful laugh that resulted in a sob as she rested her head on his chest. People still stared at them, but Y/n couldn’t bring herself to care anymore. She was relishing in the feeling of his arms again, the smell that triggered memories she’d unknowingly blocked out. Like the first night they spent together, how nervous he’d been, and the smell of him had been what kept her calm.

It calmed her even now, so much so, that she stopped crying and pulled away, on her knees with him before he’d helped her up onto her feet. He noticed her blood stainedhands, but didn’t questioned it. Instead he’d looked at the white mare she’d ridden in on, seeing Lucia staring at them in curiosity. Addam helped her down onto the snow and she came over Y/n’s skirts, and hid behind them looking at him nervously. It made Y/n laugh, and it made Jon’s heart melt seeing her.

“Jon-” She started

“I know.” He said, reaching into his pocket and pulled out a locket, made of gold before he opened it, and showed it to Y/n. Lucia’s portrait inside. In Miza’s arms. She was smaller there. Not even six months old when it had been done. Y/n knew the clothing Lucia was in in the portrait.

“Miza.” Y/n mumbled in fond realization. “You’ve known the entire time.” She said looking Jon in his grey eyes, he nodded with a sheepish smile, before he put it back into his pocket before reaching his hands out to Lucia, who hesitantly walked over for him to barely pick her up. He stood with her, both hands under her arms, barely a foot away from his body as he examined her.

Jon smiled at her warmly before pulling her closer to him, and wrapping his arms around her. “He’s your father.” Y/n told Lucia who looked at Y/n for answers.

At that Lucia quickly turned her head to Jon, a smile coming onto her face as well before she reached a small hand up to Jon’s long face, her hands cupping his jaw before she leaned into his embrace. Y/n was close to crying again before he walked towards the horses to Miza’s horse, holding Lucia with one arm, and he gestured for Miza to hand Cerelle into his free arm. Miza did and he came back over, leaving an affirming kiss on Lucia’s head as well as Cerelle’s.

•••

They sat in comfortable silence in the room Jon had quickly gotten them to before Stannis could see them. Lucia and Cerelle fell asleep on the bed while she and Jon sat by the window at the table.

“The first thing I thought when I saw the portrait was that she was beautiful, and that she was ours.” Jon broke the silence, looking from the window to Y/n a warm smile on his face. “But I never heard anything about her.” He said. He meant Cerelle and she knew it. “I know she’s not mine, she’s too young to be mine. I wish she was, but she’s not. I just need to know, if you not only stole yourself away, but some other man’s baby. Like your husband’s.” He spoke. “I don’t want to get a letter from Willas Tyrell saying he wants his child returned to him.

Y/n nodded in understanding, but it took her a few moments to speak again, and Jon gave her that time, letting her process what to say. “Her father died. He’s dead.” She finally said.

Jon leaned forward in his seat, he’d noticed how uncomfortable she became when he’d mentioned it. “Who was he? I’m not trying to pry. I understand if you don’t want to say.” He was understanding. And Y/n always loved that about him. He’d been understanding when she’d just wanted to be held one night, and he understood when she complained to him about her siblings in Winterfell.

Y/n wanted to tell him but she was close to tears again. But these weren’t happy tears for seeing Jon again, these were tears of a girl who’d been to scared to sleep in her bed because of what Joffrey had kept doing to her. She took another moment, trying to keep her breathing normal.

“J-Joffrey.” She admitted, keeping her gaze down to avoid his reaction, but she could see his fists tighten on the table. “He raped me, Jon.” She finished.

She needed to talk about it, she needed to, but she didn’t want to talk about it in front of Lucia or Cerelle in case they woke up and heard her. “Can we go to a different room? And I can speak there.” She looked up again to see him, his face hardened as he looked down at her, but he saw her cheeks growing red in grief, so he nodded and stood, leading her out of the room to one that was down the hall, it was much larger, clearly his own. The bed was larger and there was even a desk in the corner.

“What do you want to say?” He asked standing next to the door, unmoving while Y/n stood a few feet away.

“I just have to tell you. Miza knows everything. I have to tell you. You’ve known me in every way possible, you’ve known me carnally, and emotionally. You need to know.” She said in a shaky yet firm voice.

Jon nodded and watched as Y/n clenched and unclenched her fists at her sides, staring at nothing in particular. “He held me down, on his name day after he killed your father. I hadn’t fully recovered from my childbed with Luci. He told me he wanted me to give him an heir. He pushed me down onto my bed, pushed my skirts up, and forced himself into me, I begged him to stop, but he wouldn’t. He hurt me, over and over, because he wanted a son. He held me down almost every night, once when Luci was in the room. She was asleep and I’ve tried to forget about it, and I did. Because he did in the middle of the night, and I thought it was a nightmare, but it wasn’t.” She felt Jon’s arms wrap around her suddenly, his chin on top of her head.

Y/n knew he was angry, from how his jaw was clenched and how tight his arms were. But it wasn’t anger with her, it was anger with Joffrey.

“I got pregnant almost instantly. I didn’t tell him until after the battle of the blackwater. And I gave birth to twins. But he was in the room. And he stared the entire time. Like was prey and he was a hunter. He just watched from a corner, waiting for his prize.” Y/n was crying now. “Cerelle had a brother, Tybolt. He died the same day his father did, for the same reason. Joffrey gave him some of the poisoned wine, and he died in my arms.” Y/n was practically limp in Jon’s arms, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Whenever he was inside of me I tried to think of you, how you’d been with me, but he’d beaten it out of me. I couldn’t remember how you’d felt, or your voice, or your face or your smell, none of it, he’d replaced it with himself.”

Jon held her tighter, letting her arms wrap around his waist tightly. And they stood there for a long time like that in each other’s arms before once again it was Jon who broke the silence. “She’s mine. Both of them. Even Tybolt. Elle and Tybolt may have been of Joffrey’s blood and seed, but they’re mine.” He told her.

She looked up at him and he looked down at her, before he leaned his head down to close the inch of space between them, attaching his lips to her, Y/n had accepted the kiss but quickly remembered his vows. She pulled away from him, and even out of his arms. “We can’t. You took vows, I won’t have you break them for me.” She said leaving the room, and going back to hers.


End file.
